PADMINI SRINIVASAN

This page is dedicated to Ms. Padmini Srinivasan. I am starting this page with a request for all who have interacted with her, to recount and record. This paste shall serve to collate data on her life, her wishes, here successes and stories. She was an extraordinary persona and many loved her for what she did to them or what she represented. Once sufficient date is available, I will seek professional help to prepare a digital archive of her story. So I request every one to put their thoughts add photographs, her voices, her videos, scan and attach her handwritten letters or anything else. I want to create a reference document which the immediate family members would love to leave for the progeny.

24/10/2015. I listened to Brindavana Saranga 'Sri Rangapura Vihara". Every time I listen to this raga, this song comes and my sister's memories flood me. Her poise, confidence and ease with she used to render this piece will always resonate; she sang this song on the thirteenth day of our father and I broke down and wept uncontrollably for a while. Such was the power of her performance.

My dear Padmini

Chennai
10 02 2014.

Dear Padmini,

It is a month since I was delivered the shocking tearse statement that the medical specialists have goofed up and you are not returning home.

Yes. I should have cared more when you reported sick from work and took rest, complaining of pain. I shared a book of yoga asanas with the confidence that you would, as always sort out the issues that confront you through your own reading, dedicated, and persistent efforts.  You have shown in the past that your problems are solved by yourself. It is never shared with me even when we were in the same household, while I have always been there receiving your affection and support.

Yes I was the luckiest amongst the family and I can do no wrong, whatever I do (or not do). Being brought by well intentioned parents, but surrounded by orthodoxy and medieval attitudes of the patriarchal society, the younger sibling, me and being a male had the lion's share of everything. And their upbringing was so effective that we had built attitudes which never questioned the disservice done to you. All this while you added to it by doting on me.

I remember the days when Ambujam mami used to come and teach you music lessons, and I would slyly smile when you sing the stanza with Gopala Krishna Bharathiar mudirai in the Kedaragowla keerthana Sameke Sare Yevare. I also distinctly remember the Ananda Bhairavi and the Rithigowlai. It was followed by the days at crawford where I have memories of you lying down and reading and Amma scolding you not to do so.

Then it was time for me to move on to Pilani and see you only in my semester holidays. It was in the celebration of your marriage where I did see that I need to care more for you; but soon enough may be because of my character or your attitude I was again lulled into my complacency that I regret now.

As soon as I finished my graduation and was looking for a good career opening, your love and affection drew me to the infrastructure project which has formed the basis for my flourishing career. The simple frugal accommodation which was hired by you at Mangalore was shared by me and I feel foolish recollecting the attitude I carried as I always took it for granted. We had some very good time. I recall even now vividly the trips which we made with Appa to the udipi temple.

Then you moved to Bangalore and settled down and I had to follow; though this time on a career move initiated by me. But then you hosted me again. I do not remember ever even asking you what it cost you or openly ever saying thank you.

Then you attained the exalted status of 'Amma' which you loved so much with Dilip arriving. I moved to Koramangala and it was nice of you also to move in there. You worked in the background and made my wedding a success. I moved to Kochi and I remember you coming with family and spending time with us.

It was then time to have our own families and all along you were there for me. I never knew what you felt about me except that I can demand anything and everything from you and you would not say no.

The Brindavana saranga which you sang at the 13th day ceremony of Appa is fresh even today. I have heard many so called specialists handle this raga and the keerthana; but your voice and the emotions you poured into it is beyond compare to me.

I moved to Chennai and the contacts became more irregular. But you exchanged ideas and was always willing to give me a patient hearing and implement what you thought was appropriate for you and family. If at all there is something in which I pushed you hard and you did not do was to go ahead and make that trip abroad. Well I am sure you must have had valid reasons.

I also remember the Diwali of 2010 when I was in Banglore and we celebrated it together.

It was again wedding time in the family and you were the same active bubbly self who is everywhere whenever someone needs something or someone. You have always carried us all in your tender shoulders and large heart ubiquitously. You have been so good at this that even a fifty-seven year old matured adult has been lulled into complacency.

I didn't say this when you were amongst our midst - A BIG THANK YOU for everything you were to me. I am in this position in society and my career has grown up because of your encouragement and support in the early days of my career. Your unshaken belief in me did wonders and has been one of the reasons which has made me the person I am today.

I have two regrets though:
- I never realised what I didn't do to you and
- I never wrote this letter or say it to you in all the fifty seven years you were with me.

Life will never be the same again and I have to carry the additional burden and regret at not having returned enough to you.

Gopu.